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Oct. 20th, 2010

fire and ice

30 writing prompts in 30 days

I've been pretty bad about keeping up with this ...

Day 06 - Favorite superhero and why


Cat woman - I love her - especially in the movie where the Penguin is shooting her and she keeps getting up going "7 left ... 6 left". I think I like her so much because she's just badass like that.

Oct. 16th, 2010

fire and ice

30 writing prompts in 30 days

Day 05 - A picture of somewhere you’ve been to



fire and ice

Medical stuff

On Sept 27 I had my 6th colonoscopy and 2nd endoscopy. Yesterday I went to the dr. to get the results. In the recovery room he told me that I would need to have surgery (I've had 2 previously for this issue). When I saw him yesterday he told me that I have hemorrhoids (again) and that in the over 10,000 patients that he's seen in his medical career, only 2 others have had all of these issues due only to hemorrhoids, but that is what is wrong with me. They can't find any triggers for them (and they've looked and tested for all normal and abnormal triggers), and all normal treatment (and abnormal treatments) have not worked, either. The severe bleeding, the anemia, the everything that I've had, is due to the hemorrhoids. This, as he stated, is highly rare and unusual, but that's what is happening. I have to have another small bowel barium xray coming up and he wants to do a capsule endoscopy so that he can test the small intestines just to make sure that there isn't anything in those that he's missing, but he doesn't think that they will find anything. After those tests are over, I'll go back and see him Nov 24th. He said that because of the severity of them, and the way they present themselves and that they do not respond to treatment, that I will continue to need surgery throughout my life, and if pattern holds, that I will need one surgery every 2-3 years. I'm on a no sugar, low carb diet because he said that the make up of those foods react badly to the bacteria in my intestines, making the hemorrhoids angrier (like they could get any angrier)...Because of the amount of bleeding I have there is a change in the future that I will need to have blood transfusions.

Right now I'm kind of in a fog. The fact that I'll have surgery is something I came to terms with after my test on the 27th. But the fact that I'll continue to need them throughout my life? That's something that is really hard for me to come to terms with.

I called the surgeon's office yesterday, and because of the wedding in Feb they've scheduled me to see the surgeon on Nov 29th (bookend dr appts for Thanksgiving!) and then I'll have surgery on Dec 9th. (The surgery is barring anything that they find in the small bowel tests, which the dr thinks he'll find nothing, so that date shouldn't change.) Then I'll need to be out of work for about a week or two (I'm hoping a week.) There was a medical leave form sent out at work yesterday (irony, huh), and it basically said that they can't offer sort term disability, but we do have it through Colonial Penn, which we individually signed up for a week or so ago. Unfortunately, the short term disability won't cover me during this surgery because they need me to have not been treated for this for a year - so I wont' get any money this time. And I could've lied to them, but that wouldn't have done any good because they go back through medical records and they could deny me coverage at all. However, or paperwork we got yesterday from work said that we need to use up all our sick and vacation time before we go with any "no pay time." I was going to use that time for our honeymoon, which is in March. If I use NO time between now and then I'll have 43.3 hours of vacation time by Dec 9th. I need to have tests done, etc, so hopefully I can flex something. I'll find out on Oct 20th what time I have for sick time .... which I already used 6 hours of for my test back in September. It doesn't mean I won't be able to go on my honeymoon, it just means that I thought I'd have money coming in and I guess I won't ... and I really hope its a 1 week recovery and not any more, and on top of that I REALLY hope that its not more than 2 weeks or there are any complications.

Oct. 14th, 2010

fire and ice

30 writing prompts in 30 days


Day 04 - A habit that you wish you didn’t have

I have a few habits I wish I didn't have, though all of my worst ones have been expelled. The one that I have that I hate the most is my constant worrying. I don't know how to make that stop, though I've gone on some pretty intense soul searching expeditions to figure this out. If I didn't worry so much, I know I'd be much better off.

Oct. 13th, 2010

fire and ice

30 writing prompts in 30 days

Day 03 - A picture of you and your friends

Oct. 12th, 2010

fire and ice

30 writing prompts in 30 days

Day 02 - The meaning behind your LiveJournal name

My LJ name came from my AIM screen name, which started in college. I was really fascinated by astronomy at the time, so I figured "celestialnyte" was a pretty good way to go ... celestial beings in the night sky.

Oct. 11th, 2010

fire and ice

30 writing prompts in 30 days

I'm part of the embodiment community, and someone posted a entry of 30 writing posts in 30 days, and each of them seemed pretty interesting, so I wanted to see if I could make it through all 30 days.

Day 01- A recent picture of yourself and 15 interesting facts.



Ok, to technically this isn't just a photo of me, but it is recent (and I love it.)

15 Interesting Facts

1. I love jail shows ... Lockup and those types of shows I'll fall asleep to. I guess it helps me remember that though life isn't always easy, it could be much worse.
2.When I was growing up I wanted to be a farmer that had a farm on the outskirts of NYC to be able to give city kids the ability to see farm life, since they normally wouldn't be able to due to their urban living.
3. I only have had one detention in my life - and it was for a History assignment I didn't complete my Freshman year of High School. I was supposed to have detention for an hour, but I completed the assignment in 15 minutes and was able to leave. Looking back, while one detention isn't so horrible, I should've just done the assignment and kept my record clean.
4. I was the president of my High School's National Honor Society.
5. My best friend and I battled it out for Salutatorian, and she beat me out by 2 tenths of a point, and it boiled down to a test that I helped her study for. 
6. My favorite days are those that I don't have anything to do and I can sit at home (or Steve's house) and watch movies and not feel guilty. I love being able to bond with him (or my friends) without having to DO something.
7. I always thought it'd be cool to be in the military, but I don't think I'm tough enough to do so.
8. I'm completely certain that I could go on, and do well, on Survivor.
9. When I was about 8 or 9, I got attacked by a dog that almost took out my eye. On my nose, you can see a small scar where I needed to get stitches. The doctor that saw me that night told me that had the dog come up another inch, my left eye probably would not have been able to be saved.
10. The first movie I ever saw in theaters was Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, and I saw it while on vacation in Hampton Beach, NH. I don't remember seeing the movie, but I do remember calling my grandmother and telling her I had seen it while walking back down the boardwalk.
11. One of my favorite memories of vacation was when my family and I were stuck at Little Jacks in Hampton Beach and the trolley and the bus weren't coming back ... we didn't know why, we just knew we'd been there for over an hour and they weren't coming. We ended up walking back to our cottage, and it was over a mile walk, but it was one of the best bonding times we've had.
12. I truly believe that people underestimate me, and I think I allow them to. It's okay with me that people think I can't do as much as I know I can, because when I show them what I'm capable of, I like to see the look on their face when I show them that they were wrong.
13. I worry way too much for my own good.
14. Since becoming engaged and planning my wedding, I've become more emotional than I knew I was capable of being. And I've worried more about place settings, color schemes, etc, more than I think I've ever known were needed.
15. While I really dislike dressing up (the act of it) I generally enjoy being 'girly' when I take the time to do so. It makes me feel more confident.

Sep. 27th, 2010

fire and ice

(no subject)

There's always a story.

At the test today they couldn't find a vein, so before they even tried they called the IV team, and she got it first stick, though she had to wiggle the needle around to get it into the vein. That sh*t hurts, so while she's doing this the IV nurse and the GI nurse start talking about Brad Pitt's ass. No joke ... his ass. I'm assuming to make me feel better, but it was the randomness of the topic that got me. They got the IV started, and gave me the sedative. As they're ending the colonoscopy I wake up. Totally and completely, inequivocaly awake. I ask for more sedative, and the doctor says not until I swallow the stuff that'll numb my throat so they can put the endoscope down my throat. I do that and they give me more sedative, which thankfully lasts til they start moving me to the recovery room. Though they had to give me more than I think they expected because he kept saying "look at me" and I'd look and he'd say "give her more." I'm not sure if it's because I was so anxious that it had a lesser effect, but ... who knows? 

He came in to talk to me and told me that I, yet again, have hemorrids, and that they will need surgery to be removed. However, he will have to perform at least 2 more tests on me, I believe to prove necessity to the insurance company. He did say that we would have to speak to Dr. Casillas again (he's the surgeon) so I have that excitement to look forward to. It'll be at least a week out of work, if not more, depending on if he does a straight hemorridectomy or a stapled hemorridectomy. 

Now I'm home, and my side hurts where it normally does, and mom says that's from the poking and prodding, and my throat is really sore, which of course is from the tube down my throat. All in all, I always have a story.  

fire and ice

(no subject)

I have my colonoscopy and my endoscopy this morning - I have to be at the hospital at 9:45 for registration and then be at the endoscopy dept at 10 am for my 10:30 test. This time, I had the Osmoprep, which, in contrast to what the gallon sized liquid that I've had to drink in the past, was quite the blessing. Usually, the gallon prep makes me gag and last time made me vomit blood, resulting in me needing to cancel the test. This one is 20 pills in an hour, 4 every 15 minutes. It's a TONAGE of pills, and by the end the hour I felt like I was sloshing around and the ocean had moved into my stomach. But the overall experience of doing the pills versus the liquid was inexplicably better. However, I'm noticing that it doesn't.let.you.stop.going. I was clean and clear (and under control ha! ha! ... ahem ...moving on) last night around 7:30 or 8. I kept going.and going.and going. I finally stopped around 11:45 last night, and I passed out because I was tired, but I'm probably also dehydrated somewhat, which can also make you tired. It doesn't matter how much liquid I attempt to drink the day before the test, I still seem to become dehydrated. (Which, I'm sure, will make for an eventful time when they try to put the IV in this morning.).  And, per usual, I'm very hungry. I will be so excited when I can eat. Around 2:30-3 pm your stomach is growling and grumbling til the ends of the earth, but by 9 pm you're so ready to go to bed you don't even care. Then, come round the morning, you're ready to gnaw your arm off. I've been really lucky, and this 10:30 appontment is the latest one that I've had. I know some people who don't have appointments until 3-3:30 in the afternoon, and I don't know if I could handle that. That's a LONG time to wait.

Stay tuned, for I'm sure that I'll have the story later, as I always have fun stories after a test like this. Right now I'm worried about not being able to STOP going to the bathroom (which I suppose would be their own fault for giving me such a potent prep huh??) and I have an endoscopy as well, which the last time I had one they put me completely out in Rhode Island, when I had to have the emergency tests back in 2008, and Liz came to pick me up. I don't remember much about that entire night after I had the test, except I remember saying that I was going to be sick, and then I was. I'm really hoping to AVOID vomitting this morning. That'd be a good goal, I think. Hopefully my body will agree, though I think part of that is the gag reflex that they kick up by putting the camera down your throat. And then, it's home to EAT. And sleep. I think I slept about 4 hours last night, which is better than I was expecting. But I know between the lack of sleep last night and the sedation, I'm going to be assed out after this morning.

Sep. 22nd, 2010

fire and ice

Listen to my heart, can you hear it say telling me to give you everything

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster, up and down in life right now. I'm so happy in my job and in what I'm doing. I'm making a difference. I can know that I am making a difference every single day I go home. I know that someone's life was improved, if only in a small way, because I woke up and made the decision to go to work that day. I've had that feeling before, when I was teaching. This is in such a more profound way, though. I don't know really how to describe it without sounding like a complete cheese ball, but that's okay. Sometimes I'm not the greatest at words.

Last night I went to a workshop on Stopping the Tantrums, presented by Bill Corbett. The first weekend of November I'm going to be taking a 3 day workshop to be able to become a parent educator. I think its going to be one of my new found passions in life. I loved the workshop, I loved being able to share ideas, I loved that even though I wasn't a parent, that I was still relate-able to the point that people were listening to me and I can't wait to be able to do parent education classes. I can offer them through both jobs and have them be sponsored by them, but I can also offer them on my own, and CHARGE for them, and pretty much open or start up my own business with it if I so chose to do so, which may be something I'll look into later. It'd be an awesome way to do supplemental income, and this certification that I'll receive will be nationally recognized, so I can move anywhere in the country and still be able to offer these classes.

Speaking of classes ... I'm getting that desire to go back to school. Now isn't exactly the opportune moment, with the wedding coming. But after I get married, I think I may venture to see what I can do about going back to school. By that point I hope that there will be funds available through work for me to be able to go to school, and for them to pay for at least part of them. Also, through my job teaching Sunday School they want me to be able to called CE Coordinator instead of CE Director, and theres also a class that I can take to be able to do that. Unfortunately, its usually once a month for the whole day on Monday or something, and with my f/t job there's no way I can swing that. But, thankfully, they're talking about making it an intensive 3 day course over a weekend, which I WOULD be able to do.

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